sleepless night

it's just so funny that i really had to make this account at the middle of the night. i was just texting with my friend and was complaining that i could not sleep and i don't have anybody to talk to. so i decided to make this blog account so that i could do something and maybe who knows i might really have this creative side of writing something. I'm just at home this whole week with nothing to do at home. watching t.v. everyday, eating, and just texting . it's like i really planned to make my body look fat. i have nothing to do. there at times that i like to sleep but i don't feel sleepy. damn! such a nice feeling huh? i hate that feeling. And the sad part of staying at home and with no one to talk to is that you get to think of things that you hate to think of. I hate thinking of him. I'm tired of expecting that things would get better soon. that things would be good again between the two of us and as if nothing has changed. that's very impossible right? it's very impossible to have this relationship back coz i think that your not worthy anymore to deserve my love. it may be so dramatic but it's true. i hate this feeling that i'm feeling right now. if i could just take you of my heart and chest i should have done that 6 years ago. if i only knew that this would happen that you would still act as if there's something between us i must have let go of this feeling. it so hard. it so hard to make decisions when you're there. you always contradict my decisions. there are times that i really don't understand why. why every time that some guy would try to court me you always contradict. you always say that that guy is so low-profiled that he would not be serious with me that he would just play games with me. and here i am 'miss stupid' who would follow what you would say and guess what i get hurt. because i see you happy with another girl. do you ever think who is the guy that plays those games on me? ain't that you?